the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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