i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
