everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
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It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
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I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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