I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I came so hard my ears popped.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
