i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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