You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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