I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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