bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
