peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
