My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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