hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
