Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
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I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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