One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
