I murdered the dance floor call the cops
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
