We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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