i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
