i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
