Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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