NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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