We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
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