so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
