it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
