Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
