yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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