Will you blow on my dice?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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