Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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