If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
True college students do jello shots in the library
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