So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
