I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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