Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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