I was born with a shot glass in my hand
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
