I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think a kid would responsible me up
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
