I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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