It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
