i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
