Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
