he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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