dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
