You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
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Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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