the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
