I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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