i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I could make wine with my vomit
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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