just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize