I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
