it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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