she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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