Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
