Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
