.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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