wakey wakey hands off snakey
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
