I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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