I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
