I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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