u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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