he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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