I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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