just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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