plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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