I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
