What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
