This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
