Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
