I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
