you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
