One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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