Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We are all done wearing pants today
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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