fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
