mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
