I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Im just a social blackout drinker.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
