Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
